Prologue
Let us assume that Sorrow and Happiness are measurable quantities and measured by the quantity Q. Now, let n hours be spent by a human being alone waiting eagerly for something good to happen. Let this ‘something good to happen’ be denoted as X. The amount of happiness can be denoted as Qh. When this phase of X gets over, the individual is alone again, but for n/2 hours now. The sorrow of the individual for n/2 hours of X being over is denoted as Qs.
Shadow assumed, that under normal circumstances, Qs=2Qh.
I
The sorrow indeed doubles, but this phase is the story of the happiness that Shadow encounters while waiting for X.
Shadow moved in to a room, all by himself in a pleasant weathered morning. He stood in front of the mirror watching his own self, what he had become presently and what he would have wanted himself to become, ten years ago. Apparently, the lines of thought coincided. Fragmented bits gave way to a cluster of immovable happiness that he wished to carry with him for the next twelve hours.
Then, his wait began.
He pretended to be serious by trying to read a novel containing deep thoughts. He soon gave up and switched to a lighter one. He tried to take regular resolutions as if it is a conventional day by promising to smoke only a few cigarettes. The empty ashtray in his room ended up with a few more than a dozen cigarette butts. He tried to brush his teeth while staring out of the window, his usual manner. He ended up galvanizing old thoughts for the next half an hour with his toothbrush still in his hand; the toothpaste had almost started to decay. He tried to have a normal shower in lukewarm water. He ended up having one with extra warm water. He planned to have a regular lunch, ended up having a spicy one. He gustily planned for a sleep, tired after his night trip. He ended up applying hair gel and polishing his eye shades.
The mishaps occurred and the mistakes made by him made him feel good. His anxiety mounted up every minute. The cockamamie tick tick of the second hand in his watch held no value. He had optimistically realized that viewing his watch and counting 12 hours would be like filling a bucket with two holes in it. He started counting the seconds by reliving all the precious moments that he had. He started counting the minutes by reorganizing all the cherished thoughts that he had planned to fulfill after the wait was over. He started counting the hours by reverse counting the seconds and minutes.
He fell asleep for an hour.
He woke up with an uneasy and sinking feeling of having been defeated by time. He wanted to rejoice and cherish each and every second. Cherish them more, and keep it with him lifelong. He fleetly went for his watch. He smiled sardonically. 180 minutes remained. He was elated about the solidity that he had brought the wait proximately close. He was pungent about the reason that he had moronically wasted 540 minutes of his life.
He lit up another cigarette, honorably his fifteenth of the day. He stretched his arms in a weird ploy. He looked up to the heavens recited a small prayer and left the room.
After about two and a half hours of waking up from his prejudiced sleep he reached the railway station.
II
Shadow’s wait is over. X is about to trap him in a series of bodacious events to come.
Rain alight the steps of the train. Shadow ran and stopped in front of Rain. A mere disbelieve in his eyes. Sweat poured down. An unsure look ominously covered him. Rain smiled at him. Shadow’s heart skipped a few beats. She then embraced him. The wait was worth the moment. Priceless as it looked.
Shadow and Rain returned to the room. Apprehension had nurtured every second while he was alone in this room. Now, the story was so different. He could spend hours just by staring at Rain. He looked at her eyes and felt an angelic touch of love and care. While Rain stood combing her hair in front of the mirror, he touched the portion on the mirror which displayed the image of her lips. He felt blessed. He turned around and found Rain very close to him. They locked their lips in the harmony of love.
Few minutes later, Rain sat on the bed, with her back against the wall. Shadow laid down, his head on her lap and his hand played with her fingers. Rain was talking. Shadow stared at the faint glow of the small light that glowed in the room. He preferred to be quiet and let Rain talk. It was getting darker outside and brighter inside. Soon they slept in each other’s arms, tired with their respective journeys and the effect of alcohol. Slumber overpowered them. Peace overpowered the slumber. Dreams overpowered the peace.
Lines reverberated inside Shadow’s head as he slept,
“Sunlight bright upon my pillow
Lighter than an eiderdown
Will she let the weeping willow
Wind his branches round
Julia dream, dreamboat queen, queen of all my dreams”
Shadow woke up and saw Rain staring at him, while she still had her face buried in his chest. Shadow pulled her closer and kissed her. The influence of poetic justice engrossed him. He scribbled rhyming words and assorted verses on Rain’s bare back. Shadow went ecstatic with Rain’s utmost love for him.
They spent the entire afternoon by the lake, playing with words, playing with thoughts and playing with their entangled minds. Both wanted to obtain the knowledge of how much they loved each other. Shadow tried to be repulsive by behaving repellent. Yet Rain loved him for what he was. Shadow could not keep the façade on for long. He gave up. Rain was understanding and smart. Shadow loved her the way she was. Rain loved him because she was herself with Shadow around.
Shadow took her to a place where he had dreams of going since he was a teen. He did not want this opportunity to go by. After all, he had Rain by his side. The place was magnanimous. The gentle arousal of the music; the collectibles showcased around; the grandeur and the presence of Rain made Shadow proud about himself. He seemed to have achieved, what he wanted to. They enjoyed every iota of the place; the drinks, the music, the ambiance, the view from the smoking room and the necessity to share each other’s joy. Shadow had liked it, and he hoped that Rain too had liked it.
While retreating to their shelter, the heavens broke apart. Rain loved rains. Shadow loved Rain when it rained. They held their hands together and walked the walk of their lives. Rain smiled all the time. Shadow held on to her tighter that he had held her in the last few hours. Fingers clamped and with the essence of rain water dripping from Rain’s hair, Shadow merrily walked back wishing that time would stand still. He thought in his cloggy mind a few of his hysterical musical lines,
“Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous and irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life.”
They walked back to their small room with soaked hair and soggy clothes. Shadow was busy staring at Rain’s wet face and feeling her hair. The smell of the wet streets entwined with that of Rain’s perfume seemed to have given him hallucinations. He was still lurking in the middle of the sea imagining his mermaid lying beside him. They shut their eyes while feeling each other’s cheeks; and slept.
Rain woke up with a teardrop at the corner of her right eye. She was upset. Shadow captivated her in his arms. He held her face with his hands, rubbed off her teardrop and made her smile. He smiled too, but with a heavy heart. Shadow had always wanted to erase Rain’s tears with his own hands, had always wanted to vanish Rain’s worries. He was glad that he lived to see it happen.
With the fragrance of the rain smitten walk still fresh in both their memories, they decided to play under the water again. They stood under the shower for hours. Their eyes closed. Shadow held her and swayed from side to side, getting as close as possible. As time passed by they moved the closest that they had ever been.
The mood was set for the day. They went out and spent the day together. Togetherness was visualized, touched, heard, tasted, smelt. They never set themselves apart from each other, even for a tiny bit of a nanosecond. They made fun of each other; roamed around the streets like mad lovers; pulled each other’s legs; cracked silly jokes; enjoyed street side food; rubbed off each other’s sweat; clicked pictures; travelled forts; visited temples; prayed in front of shrines; lost their way; found it back; visited nature parks; hid behind curtains and kissed; watched generous museums; consumed water; crept up slowly on huge buses; rode eco-friendly cars; were fascinated at peacocks; loved and lost; then loved each other again. Every flash of time was worth the life they lived. One single day had etched a million memories in every brain cell that existed within Shadow’s brain.
The day ended with Shadow and Rain once again getting lost in each other’s love and passion. They lived the night on a bed of unequivocal shades. They lived the night beneath a bed sheet of blood stained love. They made passionate love till the wee hours of the morning. Shadow blew smoke rings in the air just before he decided to sleep. He smiled at Rain and embraced her over the lines,
“Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me”
The next afternoon, Shadow reached the railway station with Rain. Rain was about to board a train. Shadow touched her hands through the carriage windows for the last time. As the carriage started, Shadow too started to walk, trying to keep pace with it. Then he walked briskly. Then he jogged. Then he ran, and finally he failed to keep up the pace. Rain moved out of sight and with time the carriage moved out of sight.
III
The sorrow that grips Shadow follows.
Shadow moved in to the same room, all by himself. Just as he had done earlier, he stood in front of the mirror once again watching his own self. He cried vociferously. He was not ashamed of himself. Fragmented bits gave way to a cluster of immovable sorrow that he had not wished to carry with him for the next 6 hours.
He started comparing the 12 hours of his lonely wait before Rain appeared and the 6 hours after rain disappeared. Every inch of a smile that came from within was clearly defeated by every drop of a tear that evolved. Acute pain and intense suffering doubled the time. Shadow felt that every hour consisted of 120 minutes; every hour was filled with twice the pain the last hour bred.
Shadow engulfed into a bridge between nostalgia and melancholy. He stood staring out of the window, silently praying that Rain would come from behind and touch him. It did not happen. He stared blankly at the box of sweets that Rain had given him. He slid between the bed sheets smelling them, feeling her. He wrapped Rain’s broken anklets around his fingers and kissed them. He dug his face on the pillow where Rain slept and found a piece of Rain’s lovely hair. Rain was not there, yet she was all over him, casting her shadows on Shadow. It was growing intolerable. He glanced at his watch. Only three hours had passed and he was already in shambles.
He stood under the shower for half an hour. He tried to think about all the pleasant memories. He broke down pathetically. Agony, shame, depression, distress, lament, dolor, grief filled him everywhere. He reminded himself how strong he was, but to no help. He could not just hold back. He came out of the shower and crashed on the bed. Visions of Rain moving around in the room, talking, smiling, looking happy flickered in front of him. He radiated a general judgment about love. He contradicted himself and wept again. He knew if anything could pull him out of this it would be tears.
Time finally was on Shadow’s side. Six hours had gone by. Be it half the time of celebrating loneliness, it was double the pain.
Shadow moved to the corner of the room, took out a pen, and scribbled on the walls, “Hence proved, that under normal circumstances, Qs=2Qh.”
He left the room, feeling like a genius.
thoughts... deep but free 